so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
