I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
