it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
