i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
