hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
