PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The struggles of a small town man whore
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
