Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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