Christians are straight up FREAKS
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
