I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
