it was like his penis was on wheels.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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