Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
