I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
