you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
4 words: hood of his car
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
