mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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