i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
