you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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