hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
