just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
