in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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