Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
