wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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