I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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