I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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