Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I could fuck to npr.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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