My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
