We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
