Moan for me like Helen Keller
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did i walk over a car last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
