I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
