My nipple is on Facebook.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up under a house in Key West
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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