First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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