Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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