is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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