So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
