well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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