the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
