Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
