My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize