I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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