I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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