I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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