If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
