Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
