is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
