Fine. I'll sleep in my office
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
