My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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