Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
