Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
