So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
