My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
