I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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