Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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