the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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