I am midnight drunk by noon
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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